Time - Too Much and Not Enough

Well, time is ticking away until the start of school. I have orientation on July 6th and my first day of school is July 11th! One class the first session - Intro. to Culinary Arts. It's a Monday morning 8-11 class, which means I'll have to leave the house by 5:00 am to be safe with traffic, etc. That's where I feel there is too much time until I start school. The not enough is not enough time in this house - my home - and - believe it or not - with Dan as my husband. I know it's the best thing - but - as much as I would like this divorce to be over - once it's over - it's OVER. And that's the hardest part - no more Dan and Edie. No more sharing this house - even though it is very difficult at times. No more being a wife - his wife. No more "us." I think I'm going to wait until after Jason and Brittany's wedding to start packing up what I want to take to Farmington Hills (where I believe I'll be living), what I want to store, and what I just will have to get rid of. 30+ years of memories - nothing I really want to get rid of, but have to. I hope the memories last, even though the trinket or photo that goes along with it is gone. I am excited about my new life - I really am. As time goes by, the "old" life is getting a bit easier to let go of. I've finally given up on the thought that we might reconcile. I've moved on - and I believe - that is huge. At least it is for me. So time - too much and too little - no matter which way you look at it, as long as I live, the time I spent as Mrs. Daniel Alt will have been the biggest part of my life, and most of it was very sweet.

Oh Boy!

I went to Novi the day before yesterday for a meeting with a Financial Advisor and to take a placement exam. I found out I probably will not be eligible for any financial aid, but I can apply for a federal loan. THEN I took the placement exam. I feel I did well on the English portion of the exam, thanks to Mr. Ficco, my 9th, 10th, and 11th grade English teacher. I loved Mr. Ficco and was so fortunate to have him as a teacher all three years. BUT, I never had any kind of real math in high school. General Math in 9th grade,  Business Math in 10th grade, and Bookkeeping I and II my junior and senior year. So, the first portion of the test covered Algebra. YIKES! I guessed. I know if I would have known the concepts of Algebra, I would have done fine. Then the 2nd portion was COLLEGE MATH! Forget it! I remember the boys and Dan talking about the stuff I saw on the test but...I just marked the 4th choice on each problem. I was humiliated. When Josh, the Assistant Director of Admissions came into the room, I just shrugged my shoulders and told him I never had exposure to those Math concepts before. So, hopefully, I'll still be admitted. So, note to self, I'm going to be running into that type of situation a lot and I have to remain positive, seek out tutors or study groups, and KNOW I can do it if I learn the concepts and study. A good friend who I trust and respect so much called me yesterday. I was relating the story to her. She also went back to school later in life and told me a story about her 1st math class in college. It gave me a whole different perspective and that story was just what I needed. This is going to be a challenge - no doubt about it. But, I'm determined to succeed. I know when I put my mind to something, I'm usually successful. Imagine if I do succeed at this and acquire a Bachelor's degree? Please God - walk with me during this journey and pick me up when I fall.

Only 41 Days to the Start of Culinary School!

Things are flying by right now, changing daily - just like my emotions. I just can't seem to get a handle on them. The past few days have been awful. I know Dan is fed up with me. Jason's birthday was Monday and we celebrated together with him and Brittany. It just felt like nothing was different - just like we've celebrated things together as a family 100's of times. I think that's what's so difficult. Dan and I living in the same house but not really married anymore - just roommates. I can't separate my feelings like that. I guess things will be easier once I move out - easier on me. I have a meeting at the school tomorrow and will hopefully find out if I've been accepted. I have a meeting at the apartment complex and I'm checking out a gym. I started Physical Therapy for my hip - I suffered a stress fracture in April from over training for the 1/2 marathon. I've not been able to do any workouts since then and that's really wearing on me. So I have 4 weeks of PT and if my hip still hurts, I'll have to have surgery. I don't want that.

Jason and Brittany's wedding is coming up next month! I'm so glad I have that to look forward to. I pray to God everyday to give me the strength to get through the day strong and confident - not weepy and whimpy! So, today is a new day and I can only try to do the best I can.