School is hard...I'm so over homework and memorizing and reading and studying and writing papers and reviewing posts...everything is so hard this semester
Being alone is hard...I am pretty miserable when it comes to being alone. No one to share with, talk with, cuddle with, travel with, and no one to count on.
Dating is hard...Going through the whole meet and greet, talking, telling the whole life story, being nervous, thinking is this how I should act? How should I answer that question about wanting to get married again, how long is he going to string me - and other women - along until he settles on one, or none of us. How long before the question comes up about sleeping together, and if not, he's gone.
Trying to nail down this job is hard I've done proposal after proposal, but she's too busy doing what I would do if she'd hire me!
Not having any friends over here, save my friend from Battle Creek with whom I've just reconnected. No one to share with, go out for a spontaneous drink. I guess it's just the feeling of loneliness.
Knowing I graduate in seven months and I want to be out of this apartment. Do I start looking for a house or condo? Will there be someone in my life at that time and it won't make sense to do something like that on my own? Do I look for a job anywhere in the United States, find it, then someone who lives here comes into my life? I know I have no control over that. I've decided to just pursue all opportunities and leave the rest to God.
I'm seeing this guy now - a great guy - and we'll be going on our third date. Will it go anywhere, or will it end - like so many have - because he only wants one thing? I just can't not think about it - my mind won't let me. I don't want to be let down again. I've ended my Match.com subscription and I'm NEVER renewing it - it is just to hard on me.
I wonder, when Dan told me to have a sad life, is this what I have to look forward to? One day I'm fine, the next day...I need to know the future, but I will have to wait. I need to know I'm going to be alright, but I have to wait. Will I end up with someone, because I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. The sooner I know the outcome of this relationship, if it's going to end, the better. I just don't have any confidence anymore. I have a great time when I'm with him, the best date I think I've ever had.
I need peace, I need my mind to be still, I need to take one day at a time. Pretty hard for a planner...
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Sunday, August 24, 2014
That's Just the Way it Is..
After being broken up with Keith for almost two months, it's still very tough. We've talked a few times lately about something of mine that is not working, and it's even harder not to think of him. I still love him, and probably always will, but some of his decisions are not good ones, and I have to understand that. To be with him, I'd have to put up with things I don't agree with, and it's not good for me, I know.
I started (I know, I know, I said I wouldn't) back on Match.com, but I only joined for a month. A friend of mine - a guy - recently said, "Stop the madness! Why do you do that to yourself? I see what it's doing to you, just stop." I went on four dates. Again, I could write a book...
First guy, 63, said he didn't feel a connection. This was after we talked on the phone for about two weeks and he was so excited to meet me, in fact, the day before we were to go out he said he wished it were today because he was so excited to meet me. Once I got to the restaurant, I could see it in his face. The date lasted about an hour. He did not ask me for another, and told me in a text that he didn't feel a connection, but it had nothing to do with me! Now how can that be?!! LOL! Oh, well. He was too old for me anyway.
The next guy told me up front he was deathly allergic to cats. We decided to meet anyway and see where it went. Not only was he allergic to cats, he doesn't like chocolate (deal breaker right there!), fruit, certain vegetables, and other things. As a cat lover and owner, and a chef, I didn't see it ending well. So, I ended that. He was so sweet and told me good luck in school.
The next guy - OMG - let's just say we had a difference of opinion - on women! He belongs to a nationality who views women in a very different light than I do. OMG, he was very opinionated, AND he was rude to the wait staff - my industry peeps!!! LOL! Close to the end of the date,the waitress came by while he was in the bathroom and asked if I needed anything. I said, yes, get me out of here! LOL! She said, oh I'm so sorry, that guy is a jerk! I said yes, first date from Match.com. She asked if they were all that bad. I said NO! She said, don't worry, no dessert! She took my plate. He came back and said, what's going on? I said, oh, I was done so she took it out of my way. Right before he went to the bathroom, she came over and asked if we needed anything, he said no, I'm not done, and get out of here! Before that, he called the server over who brought our drinks and he THREW the lemon slice from his drink onto her tray, as well as the straw, and said that is was not a lemon slice, bring me something I can squeeze! So, back to when he came back to the table. He asked me if I wanted dessert, and I said no. The server was smooth and walked by our table and dropped off the check! He said, well, I guess we're done. I said, yeah, I have a big test tomorrow! When we were texting the next day I told him I didn't think there was a connection (just like what happened to ME with the first guy) and he said, "No joke, you couldn't wait to get out of that restaurant, good luck!) I really should have told him why, but he wouldn't have cared.
Now, another guy, who I went on a date with before rude guy, was just perfect on paper! Everything I'm looking for. We are going out later this coming week - he had to do some traveling for his job and his son is going back to college. We'll see...
I've been busy with school and school activities. Not only do I have four classes this semester, I'm busy as a Student Ambassador with fund raising and activities. As a student mentor, I have 70 students I mentor, which takes about three hours a week in phone calls. I'm a member of our garden club and we meet in the garden once a week to weed, harvest, and chat. I suggested we do some canning and the response to it was so good from other students and faculty that we are hosting a canning workshop, so I'm doing the PR and I'll participate in that. I'm also writing several articles for the Student Ambassador newsletter, especially about a volunteer event in which I recently participated in Detroit - Life Remodeled. Thousands of volunteers helped to remodel and beautify three schools and their neighborhoods a few weeks ago. It was an amazing experience! I worked with some awesome folks remodeling a computer lab at Cody High School. This particular high school is like a vo-tech, with culinary, medicine, robotics, etc., and their school is a mess. We did some much, but not enough. The school has a graduation rate of only 32%. So, after we finished, a local church will adopt the students as mentors and be there on a regular basis for each student to encourage them to stay in school and strive to attend college. I so want to be a part of the revitalization of Detroit in some way, shape, or form. Maybe as just a volunteer, but as a career would be awesome. There is going to be a documentary about that volunteer week made, and will be shown in limited cities, I think. I'm the one in the middle in this photo! Staff, and students from our school, and the lady in red was the coordinator for the computer lab.
I'm also heading up a volunteer opportunity for our students at Gilda's Place in Detroit. Gilda Radner, if you know her, is who the organization is named after. Look it up - amazing story. Anyway, we are trying to do something that will involve our students where they'll SHOW UP! For the Life Remodeled event, we had 40 students sign up - and only three - myself included - showed up. Sad.
The last thing - I started a new job last night, at least I think I'll take it. It's for a small catering company that is expanding. I want to organize her business and get everything into a catering program - cost out recipes, scale the recipes, inventory, receivables... so they'll know if they are charging the right amount for their menus, to let them know how their receivables are, and just start some history to work with. Last night I helped serve at a wedding at a couple's home. That was difficult. I've not done that for awhile - rushing, no break, lifting heavy trays, BUT, I was a chef! For the first time, I felt like a chef and I was referred to as a chef! I prepped three of the five appetizers, then I ran the Vegetarian Wok station (it was a strolling dinner where the guests went from station to station - a hot dog and fries station, my vegetarian wok station, a grill station, a hummas station, and a salad station! It was so much fun cooking in front of the guests and answering their questions - and having the answers! LOL
Then, in between I helped clear dishes and glasses. I then set up and manned the dessert/fruit/cheese station. I scooped ice cream and kept dishes and silverware stocked, as well as interacted with the guests. Again, in between, I was clearing and carrying heavy trays stacked with dishes and glasses. It's all in the knees, stooping and getting under the tray onto your shoulder, then standing back up! It's been awhile since I did that! But, I really enjoyed it - and felt confident about doing it.
I also have an opportunity to extern with Detroit's Urban Farms next semester. We have a wonderful Farmer's Market in Detroit, and there are several restaurants who are purchasing fresh produce from local farmers and featuring them in their dishes. It's about bringing fresh produce to the parts of Detroit that don't have ready access to it. I don't know if I can do the externship and work the catering job AND keep up with school next semester, as well as all I'm doing with the Garden Club and Student Ambassadors, but I want to try. Plus, who knows, I might have someone in my life as well...who knows. I feel every day is a new experience, a new bump in the road, a new crossroad. In five weeks, I'll be able to say I'm in my next to last semester! I'm so excited about that.
What will happen in the next five weeks - with the guy, the job, school...we'll see!
I started (I know, I know, I said I wouldn't) back on Match.com, but I only joined for a month. A friend of mine - a guy - recently said, "Stop the madness! Why do you do that to yourself? I see what it's doing to you, just stop." I went on four dates. Again, I could write a book...
First guy, 63, said he didn't feel a connection. This was after we talked on the phone for about two weeks and he was so excited to meet me, in fact, the day before we were to go out he said he wished it were today because he was so excited to meet me. Once I got to the restaurant, I could see it in his face. The date lasted about an hour. He did not ask me for another, and told me in a text that he didn't feel a connection, but it had nothing to do with me! Now how can that be?!! LOL! Oh, well. He was too old for me anyway.
The next guy told me up front he was deathly allergic to cats. We decided to meet anyway and see where it went. Not only was he allergic to cats, he doesn't like chocolate (deal breaker right there!), fruit, certain vegetables, and other things. As a cat lover and owner, and a chef, I didn't see it ending well. So, I ended that. He was so sweet and told me good luck in school.
The next guy - OMG - let's just say we had a difference of opinion - on women! He belongs to a nationality who views women in a very different light than I do. OMG, he was very opinionated, AND he was rude to the wait staff - my industry peeps!!! LOL! Close to the end of the date,the waitress came by while he was in the bathroom and asked if I needed anything. I said, yes, get me out of here! LOL! She said, oh I'm so sorry, that guy is a jerk! I said yes, first date from Match.com. She asked if they were all that bad. I said NO! She said, don't worry, no dessert! She took my plate. He came back and said, what's going on? I said, oh, I was done so she took it out of my way. Right before he went to the bathroom, she came over and asked if we needed anything, he said no, I'm not done, and get out of here! Before that, he called the server over who brought our drinks and he THREW the lemon slice from his drink onto her tray, as well as the straw, and said that is was not a lemon slice, bring me something I can squeeze! So, back to when he came back to the table. He asked me if I wanted dessert, and I said no. The server was smooth and walked by our table and dropped off the check! He said, well, I guess we're done. I said, yeah, I have a big test tomorrow! When we were texting the next day I told him I didn't think there was a connection (just like what happened to ME with the first guy) and he said, "No joke, you couldn't wait to get out of that restaurant, good luck!) I really should have told him why, but he wouldn't have cared.
Now, another guy, who I went on a date with before rude guy, was just perfect on paper! Everything I'm looking for. We are going out later this coming week - he had to do some traveling for his job and his son is going back to college. We'll see...
I've been busy with school and school activities. Not only do I have four classes this semester, I'm busy as a Student Ambassador with fund raising and activities. As a student mentor, I have 70 students I mentor, which takes about three hours a week in phone calls. I'm a member of our garden club and we meet in the garden once a week to weed, harvest, and chat. I suggested we do some canning and the response to it was so good from other students and faculty that we are hosting a canning workshop, so I'm doing the PR and I'll participate in that. I'm also writing several articles for the Student Ambassador newsletter, especially about a volunteer event in which I recently participated in Detroit - Life Remodeled. Thousands of volunteers helped to remodel and beautify three schools and their neighborhoods a few weeks ago. It was an amazing experience! I worked with some awesome folks remodeling a computer lab at Cody High School. This particular high school is like a vo-tech, with culinary, medicine, robotics, etc., and their school is a mess. We did some much, but not enough. The school has a graduation rate of only 32%. So, after we finished, a local church will adopt the students as mentors and be there on a regular basis for each student to encourage them to stay in school and strive to attend college. I so want to be a part of the revitalization of Detroit in some way, shape, or form. Maybe as just a volunteer, but as a career would be awesome. There is going to be a documentary about that volunteer week made, and will be shown in limited cities, I think. I'm the one in the middle in this photo! Staff, and students from our school, and the lady in red was the coordinator for the computer lab.
I'm also heading up a volunteer opportunity for our students at Gilda's Place in Detroit. Gilda Radner, if you know her, is who the organization is named after. Look it up - amazing story. Anyway, we are trying to do something that will involve our students where they'll SHOW UP! For the Life Remodeled event, we had 40 students sign up - and only three - myself included - showed up. Sad.
The last thing - I started a new job last night, at least I think I'll take it. It's for a small catering company that is expanding. I want to organize her business and get everything into a catering program - cost out recipes, scale the recipes, inventory, receivables... so they'll know if they are charging the right amount for their menus, to let them know how their receivables are, and just start some history to work with. Last night I helped serve at a wedding at a couple's home. That was difficult. I've not done that for awhile - rushing, no break, lifting heavy trays, BUT, I was a chef! For the first time, I felt like a chef and I was referred to as a chef! I prepped three of the five appetizers, then I ran the Vegetarian Wok station (it was a strolling dinner where the guests went from station to station - a hot dog and fries station, my vegetarian wok station, a grill station, a hummas station, and a salad station! It was so much fun cooking in front of the guests and answering their questions - and having the answers! LOL
Then, in between I helped clear dishes and glasses. I then set up and manned the dessert/fruit/cheese station. I scooped ice cream and kept dishes and silverware stocked, as well as interacted with the guests. Again, in between, I was clearing and carrying heavy trays stacked with dishes and glasses. It's all in the knees, stooping and getting under the tray onto your shoulder, then standing back up! It's been awhile since I did that! But, I really enjoyed it - and felt confident about doing it.
I also have an opportunity to extern with Detroit's Urban Farms next semester. We have a wonderful Farmer's Market in Detroit, and there are several restaurants who are purchasing fresh produce from local farmers and featuring them in their dishes. It's about bringing fresh produce to the parts of Detroit that don't have ready access to it. I don't know if I can do the externship and work the catering job AND keep up with school next semester, as well as all I'm doing with the Garden Club and Student Ambassadors, but I want to try. Plus, who knows, I might have someone in my life as well...who knows. I feel every day is a new experience, a new bump in the road, a new crossroad. In five weeks, I'll be able to say I'm in my next to last semester! I'm so excited about that.
What will happen in the next five weeks - with the guy, the job, school...we'll see!
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