January 1, 2016

Today is the first day of what I hope is the best year ever. This past year has been good, but not great. There were decisions that I made by impulse, not for the right reasons. Now I have to live with the consequences. This year I have to make decisions for the right reasons; and the decisions that I made that were wrong, I have to fix them. Some will be easy, some will be the most difficult of my life...

Everyone makes New Year resolutions...but how many stick with those resolutions? I have to...

Several opportunities have presented themselves to me in the past few weeks. I know if I accept either one of them, then I've not learned anything.

I wonder why I am in this place at this time of my life. If I'm supposed to be learning a lesson, or if I'm supposed to grow from this, it's not working!

I recently mentioned to someone that every decision I've made in the last year was the wrong one. EVERY decision. How could I have been so wrong about so many things? This coming year I have a lot of crap to clean up, but after long and careful consideration, I know what I need to do next.

I thought I was finished with this blog, but I think I'll hang around a little bit longer.

Wish me luck.

Graduation and Beyond

I finished with school at the end of March...it's now mid June. I think this is going to be my last post. It's been an exciting, thrilling, scary, fantastic, and disappointing ride - often at all at the same time! I made it - I've graduated!! I had several great job offers, and accepted one at Annabel Cohen Cooks Detroit. It was great pay as an Executive Chef, but an overwhelming amount of hours, and it lasted exactly one month!! Now I'm starting my own catering company with Mark, the man I'll probably spend the rest of my life with. We've got exciting plans - and I'm thrilled for this opportunity!

Maybe I'll come back and post some day. Just so glad I made it through - and I'm finally over Dan - forever.

Come On Already!

It's been awhile since I've written. How could I have been so high coming off the Italy trip and now so low? It's this Al a Carte class - my last cooking class. I have two other classes, but they've been a breeze. This class has - in every single way, been horrible for me and my self esteem. I can't believe how I don't have any confidence left after this class. I just don't think I have it anymore - what it takes. I've had some job interviews and offers - but not ones I'd take or want. I am so afraid I'm going to fail this impossible final test. I'm hanging - hanging by a thread. I just want to stop right now - not go on - not fail. Why has everything been so hard for me? Here I am, ready to graduate, and I might not, I might fail this class and have to take it AGAIN - that is a possibility. I just don't want to think - I can't concentrate - I can't focus. The chef from the class has been on my ass for three months. He thinks I'm a fuck up, he treats me with distain, why am I doing this? How could I have ever even thought I'd be able to live this life? To do this? I think they all think I'm a fuck up. There are some kids who are so good at what they do - so good, calm, creative. This guy has turned me upside down. But, it's not him, it's me. Why did I ever think this would be my life? That I'd be good at it? Just once, just one time, could I be good at something? I can't do this anymore.