December 23rd

OK, the Christmas presents are wrapped and under the tree. All the home made gifts are done and some of them delivered to some special folks I've met here in Northville/Novi who've made my life so much better. During this break from school I've really enjoyed making treats, getting into the Christmas spirit, sleeping! relaxing! getting ready for the next semester, spending time with good friends, and most of all getting to see my boys! I'm going to make my grandmother's Nut Horns today and I always enjoy making them because I remember the day I sat at her kitchen table watching her make them. It was a few days before I got married and she was making them for the "cookie trays" for the reception. Don't know if any of you observe that tradition when you attend weddings for friends or family, but it Johnstown, PA, it's HUGE! When my niece got married, we had so many cookies. Her mother in law and I put the trays together and there were tons. I made all of my favorite cookies for her wedding. I remember my wedding as well. Only we had cookie trays at the bridal shower as well. Anyway, I remember my grandmother making the cookies and "showing me the ropes." I'll never forget that day. If only she could see me now, and my Mom as well. I miss them both so much. Having 3 brothers and 2 sons, I don't have a lot of women in my life. I have two great sister-in-laws who are married to my brothers, and I miss Dan's sister and my niece.

So, here's my grandmother's Nut Horn Recipe. Believe me, it took me a couple of years to perfect it because she didn't put measurements on her recipe cards - she had them in her head! I have both my grandmother's and my Mom's recipe boxes. I also have some of my Mom's cookbooks, along with he ones I've collected throughout the years, and new ones I've purchased recently since I started school. Maybe this is what I was truly meant to do. I wouldn't change a thing about the last 38 years of my life, though. Meeting and falling in love with Dan, all the wonderful years we had together and the two terrific sons we have. I guess it's going to take a while to get over Dan - the hurt, the sadness, the pain that's we've caused each other. Looking back now, I wish we would have worked on our marriage - made it a priority. I hope someday we can be friends again. It's so hard going through life, experiencing everything, and not being able to tell the one person in the world - the person I've shared everything with for the past 38 years - all about it. There are times when something will happen and I still think I can't wait to tell Dan. Then I remember. Divorce and these feelings are going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. I pray every day that God helps to heal both of our hearts.

                                                 Nanny's Nut Horns

5 cups flour
1 tsp. salt
1 lb. Crisco (I use 1/2 lb. Crisco and 1/2 lb. butter)

Mix like a pie crust. Dissolve 3 pkgs. dry yeast in 1 cup luke-warm milk and 2 eggs. Add to dry mixture. (I let this set in frig. for several hours.) Roll into a circle like a pie crust on a mixture of flour, confectioner's sugar and granulated sugar to about 1/8" thickness. Cut into 8 equal triangles. Starting at wide end, put about 1 tsp. of nut mixture on the dough(or canned apricot, raspberry, or pineapple) and roll up to the point, which will end up on top, and that's how you'll place it on the cookie sheet. Form the cookie into a slight crescent shape. Now Nanny didn't list how long to bake them, so I've estimated they should bake at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes. You could bake at 375 degrees for a shorter amount of time, but I'm always afraid of burning them. After they come out of the oven, remove from the cookie sheet, wait about a minute, then roll them in confectioner's sugar.

Nut Mixture:
2 cups ground pecans or walnuts
1 cup sugar
enough hot milk to moisten

The proportions of the mixture can be adjusted. I cut this in half because I use other fillings as well. My Mom's favorite filling was prune!

School and Christmas

I found out that I got a 4.0 this semester! Unbelivable, truly unbelivable. next session I have five classes and maybe a part-time job so I don't expect those kinds of grades, but just doing it once...I think I only got all A's one other time in my life. It's a great feeling and a great accomplishment for me.

I've been busy getting ready for Christmas ever since I got out of school. I made a lot of the gifts this year - candy, pasta, sauce, coated pretzels, cake pops...I love doing those kinds of things, bagging them up, just everything! It's been a while since I've done it and I really did miss it. I'm going to make my Grandmother's cookies next.

I'm going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Chris. Then Jason and Brittany and Chris and I will be together the 28th and 29th. It is what it is and we're all adjusting.

God, help me through this next semester...help me to feel more confident and help me to realize I can do this!

Done!

Whoo Hoo!

I'm done with this semester! I don't go back to school until January 9th! I so need this break. All I had to do today was attend our skills class and assist the students taking the final today, like they assisted us yesterday when we took the final. It was sooo stressful because of the time constraint. I did work with a sense of urgency....and panic....and...and confusion...disorientation...then urgency. It was crazy! I went over the time allotment - which I knew I would - by 1/2 hour. Luckily he gave us a half-hour extension. Some of the students took almost an hour longer. But, I got everything done except the parsley dust...I chopped the parsley for my garnishment, so I got a 2 out of 5. I knew I was in trouble when I went off the rails and stopped following my time line. When he told us it was 9:30 and we had one more hour, I panicked. I seriously didn't know what I was doing. I skipped a whole prep section I had built in. Oh, well, I thought I had truly bombed it but I ended up with a B+. Unbelievable. The chicken fabrication was going great...until I got to the breast and I sort of forgot what I was doing. I think I tasted my dishes. I think it was just way too much to try to get done in that short amount of time. I didn't really get to do the twists I wanted to - like sauteing the green beans with a little garlic, or adding some additional butter to the Risotto. I did something I picked up in open lab on Saturday. For our Spinach Gratin - which was really, really easy, I added some Parmesan cheese to the Bechamel (making that mother sauce a mornay sauce), and then adding additional parm before broiling it. But, guess what I did? I put the dish under the salamander (broiler), was counting in my head, went to do something real quick, came back, grabbed it and it was beautiful---except it wasn't mine---mine burnt by the time I realized what had happened. I got upset, chef said I didn't have time to be disappointed, I could scrape the burnt cheese off. I said no way, even thought I was behind. I just started over. Actually, it took only a couple of minutes. You take a bowl or casserole and butter it. Then you take spinach that's been blanched for maybe a minute, then shocked, then squeezed to get all of the water out of it. Then you layer the spinach on the bottom of the casserole, take your Bechamel sauce and add the parm., stir until it's melted, pour just enough over the spinach, not that it looks like soup, but just covered. Then add additional parm and broil it about 90 seconds. Add some salt, or some lemon juice before serving, whichever you prefer. Yummy! My mashed potatoes were good, my Bechamel perfect, but my knife cuts weren't as good as I'd hoped. Probably because I was shaking! LOL! Anyway, I've been through a final in the kitchen and now I know what to expect. They are just going to get harder. Yesterday, after I'd finished, I invited two of my friends from class - Evelyn and Patrick - out for a drink.  Oh, I had my English final yesterday, too. I did well. I saw the teacher today and he said I got an "A" in the class. I ended up with an A in my skills class, and an A in my Nutrition class, so I maintained my 4.0. Whew!! Don't know how long that will last, but it sure makes me feel good now! Next semester will be harder I know, plus I'm trying to get a part-time job at the school. So, now on to getting ready for Christmas. I can't wait to see my boys! I've got a lot to be thankful for! My family, my friends, my new friends from school who've been encouraging me, two new friends in my life -  Connie and Gina - who are also so encouraging - and my friend Ramzi who is my biggest cheerleader. I could just sleep the next three weeks, but too much to do!

Almost There

Well, yesterday I made my presentation in Nutrution class and got full marks. I had over 100% in the class so I don't have to take the final next week. I'm so glad. That class, despite the grade I got, was the hardest class I've ever taken. I worked my butt off studying for the quizzes, writing the papers, and doing the projects. Our instructor gave us plenty of breaks because the material was so difficult and only 11 weeks to cover it all. She gave lots of opportunities for extra credit and always reviewed for the quizzes for us. My presentation was on Osteoporosis becasue I'm Osteopenic. I also talked about my running injury and proper nutrition. One young man gave his presentation on Alcholism because he's a recovering alcholoic. I learned a lot from his presentation. We could write our paper on anything related to nutrition and everyone wrote about something they've either experienced or were passionate about.


I'll have my English final on Monday. That one will be hard I think, but if I do decently I believe I'll get an A in that class as well. It's the Skills class I'm really worried about. This past Tuesday I nearly gave up. I wanted to walk out of that class room, walk down the stairs, get in my car and just drive home and cry myself to sleep. Why can't I do anything right in that class? I've been cooking forever! I fabricated a chicken - the last one to practice on before the final on Monday and from the first cut I screwed it up. I couldn't believe it! It was like I've never done it before in my life! I just feel apart. I have no confidence about this final, none at all. I'm meeting two other friends on Saturday and we're going to open lab. We got together this week and came up with a game plan to go straight through the last 1 1/2 hours of production and see where we need to tweak things.  For this final, we have to:

• Fabricate one chicken into eight perfectly butchered pieces, leaving minimal meat on carcass
• Cut one carrot into 1/4" dice - perfect, exact, all the same size
• Cut one celery stalk into 1/2" dice
• Cut 1/2 onion into 1/4" dice
• Cut one potato into 2" x 1/4" x 1/4" Batonnet (like frites)
• Cut one potato into 4 Tourne's - seven sided "footballs"
• Tomato Concassee - score, blanch, shock, peel, quarter, seed, then cut into 1/4" dice
• Parsley dust - takes about 15 minutes to chop parsley until it's "dust"
• Prepare a batch of Hollandaise Sauce
• Prepare a batch of Bechamel Sauce
• Prepare a recipe of Coq au Vin
• Prepare a recipe of Chicken Chardonnay
• Green beans - blanch, shock, saute and have seasoned and perfectly al dente'
• Prepare a recipe of Spinach Gratin
• Prepare a recipe of Risotto (30-40 minutes of constant stirring for perfect, creamy result)
• Prepare a recipe of Mashed Potoatoes (no electric mixer - by hand!)
• Constantly show flawless sanitation techniques
• The two chicken dishes, the beans, and the mashed potatoes all have to be finished and presented at the same time

We have three hours to get this completed. It's worth 150 points - pass/fail. Each production is worth a certain amount of points. Please pray for me that I do well. Not only for the grade, but more importantly, that I'll have the strength and confidence to do this for the next four years.