Here We Go Again!

Well, I'm ready to start my 3rd year of school! Three more semesters! I just read through some of my earlier posts. It's been an up and down journey, that's for sure! I'm really nervous for my Asian class - that chef is tough! I can only try my best. I should hear about a job tomorrow...I've decided I really need the money; any not only that, the interaction with people. I was just way to depressed over the break not getting together with anyone and being cooped up in the apartment. I'm still not over the break-up with Keith, but it's getting better. I KNOW I made the right decision, but it still sucks!

So, on to one of my last semesters. This one is the toughest yet, the next two will be a lot better!

July 4th

I just read my post from last July 4th...I was alone then, too, and was sick of Internet dating. I thought I'd be over the thing with Keith by now - it's just so hard. I've been so depressed. I WAS supposed to be on my bike, studying Spanish...I'm just tired of being alone. I hate it! But, I'm glad I didn't put up with things just to be with someone. I thought back today...back of other 4ths - remembering how my Mom would cook and make the basket out of a watermelon and put fruit in it. I remembered times we spent at the cottage at Deep Creek - how many times! Then I remembered all the 4ths we had - the four of us - especially the last years at the house in Richland. The last one with Desa. I wish...I wish I could change things, I wish they could be the way they were, only better - better for Dan and I. I think I would do almost anything to go back to that time. You would think that I wouldn't be thinking of that...but the further I get away from my past, the more I want it. I think I was meant to be with someone, and not to be alone.

I only have three semesters left...and I have no idea where I'm headed. I know that something is waiting out there for me - and I know I have to work...I know there are many doors open to me, but...I keep thinking, and asking God to help me through this.

 I think about how far I've come...nearly three years ago - July 11th, 2011 - when I started school. How much has happened, how many tears, tests, studying all night, long hours at work then up early the next morning, dates, BAD dates!, textbooks, quizzes, finals, cuts, burns, 180 credits to complete, with 34 to go, losing everything, starting all over, packing and moving,the hope and promise of love, then dashed...the loneliness, the holidays spent alone...but there has been so much happiness as well - mostly thanks to my boys.

I thought of Dan's Mom last night for some reason, so I made her macaroni salad - with tomatoes - which I love and have not made for years. So many wonderful memories - I've had an awesome life - I have to concentrate on the positive and look towards the future.