It's so hard to believe that one year ago - around this time - my world completely fell apart. I can't believe it - still today. Years and years and years that Dan and I shared - growing up together, our lives, our challenges and successes, the deaths of our grandparents and parents, the birth of our children, the feelings of joy we shared with each success they experienced, the plans to retire and travel, every single moment, every single kiss, every single touch - things only he and I shared...never to ever be again. I had a very good friend tell me yesterday that no one would have ever known there was anything wrong with our marriage. We were envied. How long did he really love me - how much of our marriage was the truth? Did he ever love me? I know he did - I felt it. My Dad always says you don't know what you had until it's gone.
So, yes, life does go on. I'll never regret those years - those successes and failures - our boys - our life. I heard somewhere recently that sometimes, with a marriage, when there's nothing left, you have to just "push the reset button". I guess that was true with us. We had let it die and nothing was going to bring it back. I have to let it die - I have to let it go. I will never let go of the memories - but it's time to let it die.
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