New Semester...AGAIN!

Well,
I'm already done with Week 2 - where did it go? Because I had to make up my Garde Manger final in the first two weeks, I was at school on Monday of both Week 1 and Week 2 from 6:45a to 10:00p - three full classes, two 5 hour classes and one 4 hour class. Just yesterday I had the 3rd and last part of the final from 7a to 12p, then an English class from 1-5. I worked six hours the previous Friday and from 3p-12:45a on Saturday. I just got home from a 6-10p class. I am so tired!

But, I got the best grade in our class in Garde Manger!! Whoo Hoo! It's hard to swallow the B I got in Food and Beverage...more to that story but not worth getting into.

This past month...so hard. The break-up with Ramzi was unbelievably hard - still is. I'm driving 2 hours to Kalamazoo tomorrow to see my therapist, then lunch with Jason, then the two hours back because I have a ton of homework. I'm taking four classes this semester plus working and going to the gym - when I start back to the gym, that is! LOL!

I am feeling the gamut of emotions - sadness, loss, overwhelmed, tired, anxious...I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be happy and enjoy what I'm doing. I guess I don't really know what I want right now. A lot of what I was planning was for a future with Ramzi...now I don't know what I want. The stress of trying to keep a relationship going is off of me, I guess I can say that.

I'm thinking of going to Arizona for a few days to see my brother Kevin as soon as this semester is over - I need a change of scenery!

Good news! I got a book published through Divorce Care - 365 days of Recovery. I need to get over the past. I let my heart open up to a relationship when it was not healed - and now it has to heal twice as much. I pray God leads the way to recovery for me. I pray he helps me through this semester. I pray he gives me the courage and strength to continue, and I pray he helps me to gain some confidence in myself.

Next Semester...Next Chapter

I'm on break from school. I didn't finish one of my finals, but my Chef is allowing me to finish it at the beginning of the next semester, and I'm very grateful for that. Otherwise, I think I did OK, but these past few months have been difficult for lots of reasons.

Ramzi and I are no longer seeing each other. This has been very hard on me. There's not much more I want to say about it. I just want to heal.

There are a lot of things I've not been doing for myself and I want to rectify that. I have a week to just think before the next semester and I want to - and need to - recharge.

One thing's for sure - I'm starting back to the gym. I know that will make me feel physically and emotionally better. I need that right now.

Mid Way Through...

Well, I just finished week 5 of this semester - half way through. This semester can't be over soon enough for me! Not that I don't like the classes - it's the combination of classes. There are HUGE projects due in each class. I started the semester off a bit slower than usual. Now I'm behind. The mid term I took in my Food and Beverage/Supervision class a few days ago - I didn't do well. I think I studied all the wrong stuff. Each question was worth 3 points each and I know for sure I missed 6 questions...oh, well. Our big project is worth 400 points so I'd better do well on that one.

Now, for the good stuff. In my Garde Manger class (cold prep) we learned to make sausages, kielbasa, and chorizo this week, plus smoking it. I'm learning so much in this class. It's really hard, though, so much information to take in. It's a 6 credit class. My other two classes are Food and Beverage/Supervision and Supervision - yeah, that's right - we use the same textbook for both classes. I'm learning a lot about wine in the Food and Bev. Our instructor is a sommelier in his "real" job. But, I'm learning a lot.

Work - I've been captaining and serving. Only been working one day a week, but with this load at school I don't mind. It will pick up now. I'm waiting on confirmation from my boss if I can start training one day a week in our catering kitchen as a prep cook, and then line cook. I'm excited about the opportunity to get some real world experience.

I was going to quit writing my blog I was that - and still am - that upset over a recent situation where my boys were maliciously given some incorrect information about me. But, I decided I really do need this, so I'm going to continue. Because of all of this, I'm emotionally drained. Last week, I was really ready to just hang it up. I've paid so much money so far. If I dropped out now, I'd lose all of the money I paid for this semester. Then I thought about just taking a semester off, but I was afraid I'd talk myself out of coming back. On Tuesday, I sealed my fate - I signed up for four classes next semester, so I guess I'm sticking with it. I need to really, really focus to get caught up right now. I hope I can do it.