Wow! A lot has happened since my last post. Thank you to everyone whose following it - I really appreciate your kind words!
Well, first off - I had a wonderful holiday with my boys and daughter-in-law. We spent the time before Christmas and Christmas day together. Then Jason and Brittany went back to work and Chris traveled on to his Dad's. They all spent some time together before and after New Years. Chris then went back to Indiana and work.
The time off school (and work for the most part) has been awesome. I so needed it. I'm back to the gym and....training for a Triathlon! I'll be training for the full, but if I can't, I'll do the sprint version. I have to learn how to swim! Can you believe it - I never learned how to swim! I hope I'm not in lessons with little kids! LOL! Anyway, I'm excited about the possibility of that accomplishment.
I went back to Pennsylvania for a few days and spent time with family. It was nice. I started back to Michigan on New Year's Eve morning...and got into an accident on the PA turnpike. My car had to be towed, I had to get a rental car, then drive another five hours, right after being in an accident. I was physically and emotionally drained by the time I got back to my apartment. I had to unload an entire car full of stuff that I brought back from my Dad's (first from my car to the rental car, then the rental car to my apartment.) I didn't care - I stopped at McDonald's before coming home! I was supposed to run a 5k on New Year's Day - but I did not have the energy. I slept like 12 hours. I figure God wanted to give me one more hurdle before 2012 was over!
I'm looking forward to classes starting next week. I am hopeful my car is not totaled and can be fixed. I found out yesterday that if it is fixable, they will tow it to Michigan and have it repaired at my dealership! Thank God! I thought I'd have to drive five hours both ways to pick it up. So, that's a good thing.
2013 is going to be a good year. I'll be working out and getting into shape, I'll hopefully accomplish something I never thought I'd even attempt, I'll meet new people and have opportunities to bike and run with a group. I'll learn how to swim! I hope to get into one of our kitchens within the restaurant group and get some practical experience. My boys are doing well, and so is my family. I've got so many wonderful friends who pull me through. I've got some very good people who I get to talk things through with. It's all good. I'm hoping and praying to see more of those kinds of things this year and less of the hard times. That's my plan, anyway.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Saturday, December 15, 2012
...and Not!
It's so funny that my last blog title was "Joy!" I'm really not feeling the joy right now. I never would have imagined feeling this way about Christmas and the whole season. I'm unbelievably sad. Sad at having to share my kids with Dan and his new family, sad at the loss of everything I've even known and felt at this time of year. Being alone at this time of year - I now know how people feel when they've lost loved ones and have to go through the holidays alone. I miss our family - the boys, Dan and me. I miss my Mom so terribly. I miss my niece, Desa. It still feels like a punch in the gut every time I think of her.
Not going to be a Debbie Downer here. I just have to get through it. I just hope next year I'm not spending the holiday season by myself. I hate this, but I have to mourn and grieve the loss in order to get past it.
I finished up this semester and have three weeks away from school! It's good because I get a break from studying, but it's bad because I don't get to spend time with most of the only friends I have here. I'm going to meet up with a few over the break, and I'll still be working, so that's good. I've started back to the gym and that is helping my mood and depression. For this semester, I got 3 A's and one B+, for which I missed an A by .90! But, it was a tough final - Latin Cuisine. I NEED practical experience, so I'm going to be looking for a new job I guess. That's the only thing that's going to get me up to speed and be a better chef. I've got the handicap of age and lack of experience.
So, it's Saturday. It's 2:30p and I'm still in my flannel pj's because I plan to watch movies all afternoon, catch up on paperwork, and make a beautiful steak on the grill for dinner! What I've noticed since starting school, I can taste things and know what they need or how I could make it better. I could never do that before. Things that I've made my whole life, I'm tweaking them to taste even better. My knife cuts are coming along. In a lot of things I've really got the rhythm going! My Latin Final was just like Iron Chef. Everyone racing around, it was insane!!! Next semester I'm going to up my game and try for speed all the time.
I miss all of you who've been reading my blog. Some I get the opportunity to talk to every one in a while, but most of you I don't. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I appreciate the support I've received from so many of you. Someday - when I'm able to see the forest for the trees - I'll appreciate looking back on this incredible journey. Please pray for me and God's blessing so that soon I can start my way out of this "valley." I get no sun down here - I need to feel God's warmth as I start up the mountain towards better days. Have a wonderful holiday - and appreciate what you have.
Not going to be a Debbie Downer here. I just have to get through it. I just hope next year I'm not spending the holiday season by myself. I hate this, but I have to mourn and grieve the loss in order to get past it.
I finished up this semester and have three weeks away from school! It's good because I get a break from studying, but it's bad because I don't get to spend time with most of the only friends I have here. I'm going to meet up with a few over the break, and I'll still be working, so that's good. I've started back to the gym and that is helping my mood and depression. For this semester, I got 3 A's and one B+, for which I missed an A by .90! But, it was a tough final - Latin Cuisine. I NEED practical experience, so I'm going to be looking for a new job I guess. That's the only thing that's going to get me up to speed and be a better chef. I've got the handicap of age and lack of experience.
So, it's Saturday. It's 2:30p and I'm still in my flannel pj's because I plan to watch movies all afternoon, catch up on paperwork, and make a beautiful steak on the grill for dinner! What I've noticed since starting school, I can taste things and know what they need or how I could make it better. I could never do that before. Things that I've made my whole life, I'm tweaking them to taste even better. My knife cuts are coming along. In a lot of things I've really got the rhythm going! My Latin Final was just like Iron Chef. Everyone racing around, it was insane!!! Next semester I'm going to up my game and try for speed all the time.
I miss all of you who've been reading my blog. Some I get the opportunity to talk to every one in a while, but most of you I don't. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I appreciate the support I've received from so many of you. Someday - when I'm able to see the forest for the trees - I'll appreciate looking back on this incredible journey. Please pray for me and God's blessing so that soon I can start my way out of this "valley." I get no sun down here - I need to feel God's warmth as I start up the mountain towards better days. Have a wonderful holiday - and appreciate what you have.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Joy!
I am concentrating on the Joy I have in my life. I'm trying, anyway! I started writing out some Christmas cards last night. The friends I have - I'm so grateful. Some of the people I've corresponded with for years no longer do...because of the divorce...and that hurts very much. My Divorce Care book recommends making a list of all the things I've lost through divorce so I can see them in black and white - and deal with them once and for all so they don't haunt me for the rest of my life. To be honest, I've not done that yet - I'm really not ready yet...hopefully soon.
But, I did write a list of all the things I still have and it is a great list! My health, my boys, my family, my friends, my new friends, living so close to school and the gym, having a laundry room literally 5 steps from my apartment door, my brain (when it works!), school, my good friend and investment broker!!, my good friend and trainer!!, my job, plus stuff I'm not remembering right now. Friends and family are pulling me through and for that, I feel pure joy.
I'm training to run a 5k on New Year's Day! I loved running before my injury - it brought me joy and I want to feel that feeling again. I've been doing spin classes, and then training sessions with my trainer - I feel so much better AFTERWARDS!! LOL! I need to lose weight and get healthy again. Blood pressure and sugar and both creeping up.
School is getting easier - not EASY, but easier. I'm gaining more and more confidence in the kitchen. If I want my table mates to have confidence in me, I have to show confidence in myself. Next semester I have four classes again - HR, Marketing, Math II, and Classical Cuisine. I'm looking forward to the three week break over Christmas. I was planning on doing some traveling...but I just don't have the energy right now to plan it out. Hopefully next semester I will. I know I mentioned this before (but maybe not - my brain!!!) I read in my Divorce Care book that going through a divorce uses up 85% of your available energy. So, while trying to go to school, work, have a relationship, study, and try to have some kind of life, I only had 15% of my available energy to accomplish all of that. No wonder...I'm now trying to take some of that energy I've been using focusing on the divorce and put it on the other side of the spreadsheet for the things that are more important to me and what I need right now.
But, I did write a list of all the things I still have and it is a great list! My health, my boys, my family, my friends, my new friends, living so close to school and the gym, having a laundry room literally 5 steps from my apartment door, my brain (when it works!), school, my good friend and investment broker!!, my good friend and trainer!!, my job, plus stuff I'm not remembering right now. Friends and family are pulling me through and for that, I feel pure joy.
I'm training to run a 5k on New Year's Day! I loved running before my injury - it brought me joy and I want to feel that feeling again. I've been doing spin classes, and then training sessions with my trainer - I feel so much better AFTERWARDS!! LOL! I need to lose weight and get healthy again. Blood pressure and sugar and both creeping up.
School is getting easier - not EASY, but easier. I'm gaining more and more confidence in the kitchen. If I want my table mates to have confidence in me, I have to show confidence in myself. Next semester I have four classes again - HR, Marketing, Math II, and Classical Cuisine. I'm looking forward to the three week break over Christmas. I was planning on doing some traveling...but I just don't have the energy right now to plan it out. Hopefully next semester I will. I know I mentioned this before (but maybe not - my brain!!!) I read in my Divorce Care book that going through a divorce uses up 85% of your available energy. So, while trying to go to school, work, have a relationship, study, and try to have some kind of life, I only had 15% of my available energy to accomplish all of that. No wonder...I'm now trying to take some of that energy I've been using focusing on the divorce and put it on the other side of the spreadsheet for the things that are more important to me and what I need right now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)