Made it Through My First Class!

Well, I made it through my first class! I ended up with a 98.29%, but a lot of it was due to the great chef I had for an instructor. I think he cut me a lot of slack! But, I feel good about what I've accomplished these past months. Not about the situation and becoming divorced, but what I've done despite it. These past few days have been hard on me. I guess maybe because I'm on break - down time - haven't had time to really think up until now. So, I've done quite a bit of crying. I cleaned the apartment today and that helped a little! LOL! I've been talking to a very good friend and that's been helping as well. When I thought about it today - I realized that it's been 6 months since Dan decided he wanted a divorce. I think it will be final in a few weeks from now. I thought it would be over in three months. I just want it over. I've got a lot to look forward to. I need to look ahead and I want to.
Tomorrow I'm going to attend a church here for the first time. I'm also starting Divorce Care on Monday at the same church. My good friend has been trying to convince me to start attending and I'm finally ready I think. I'm getting my notebooks ready for the next session of school. I'll be in the kitchen 10 hours a week and I'm very excited about that! Last week I had dinner with my good friends Linda and Dawn and was lucky enough to see two other good friends - Gloria and Sandy - at the same restaurant. That was such a boost for me. Before dinner, I went into Barnes and Noble and bought a few cookbooks - Creole and Mexican cuisine - to start challenging myself to step away from what I know.
I took the National Food Safety test last Tuesday and felt like I did very well. It will be a couple of weeks until I find out the results. I'm glad it's over!
So, this coming week I'm still on break, but it's a great week to look forward to. I have two physical therapy sessions; a session with the trainer at the gym; my very good friend Cathy is coming for a visit; and two other friends - Gina and Connie - are coming for a visit on Friday. I have a follow up doctor's appointment with the sports medicine doctor and I feel physical therapy is really helping. I can't wait to get back to working out and feeling that good feeling that working out gives me.

The Past Couple of Weeks...

I can't believe the past few weeks - how very difficult they've been. Today I'm preparing a group research paper, studying for a national food safety test, starting to study for the final in two weeks, and doing homework and studying for a quiz. I've been putting the apartment together a little at a time. It's starting to come together. I feel pretty confident driving around the area, although I still use my Garmin! I've been to the ortho. doctor here and am starting physical therapy. I went to my new gym yesterday - I've got lots of work to do!!!

How do I feel? Sad. Sad about how my husband - soon to be ex-husband feels about me. Upset about how mediation went. I'll be fine, but I know my husband is NOT happy about it at all. I wonder what my boys think of me? I look around at this apartment some days (today is the start of week 3) and I think it's a dream and I'm going to wake up next to Dan and realize this was just a dream.

Thank God for the fantastic friends I have. They've truly pulled me through - every one of them. I am here - in this situation - and I have to make the most of it. I pray that our research presentation on Monday goes very well and we get full points. I pray that the quiz I need to study for is easy. I pray that I remember all the answers on the final. I pray that I pass the National Food Safety Training test - even if I don't get a better grade than my brother Kevin who's thrown down the guantlet and challenged me to better his score. I don't care - I just want to pass. I pray that I get through this one class successfully so I have the confidence to go into the next session where I'm taking 4 classes. Right now, that's all I want. I know it's asking a lot.

I can feel Summer slipping away and Fall is just around the corner. This used to be my favorite time of the year. Not this year. But I hope in the future it can be again. I miss my old life, my friends, my kids (Jason and Brittany were about 15 minutes away) and my beautiful home - especially when I look at the grungy carpet in this apartment. And I especially miss being married and happy with Dan. I know I'll never, ever have that again - I know that. It's time to start looking ahead instead of behind me. I've got a fantastic opportunity in front of me. I KNOW how fortunate I am to be in the position to pursue my dream - to reinvent myself - to start over. I want the second part of my life to be just as happy as the first part was, because despite the last few years and the divorce, it was fantastically happy. I remember all the good times and try to forget the bad, but learn from them. I KNOW we were happy and maybe some day Dan will remember that, too. I still love Dan...maybe not in the way I used to, but I still love the man I've spent almost my entire life with, the man who gave me two beautiful, healthy, successful and happy boys. I pray that some day he remembers all of that, too,